I’ve always hated the new year. I’m not great at reflection and I’ve always been irritated by the standard “new year new me” mentality.
It’s all just icky to me: Preying on people (women in particular) with diets and pressures to fit societal beauty standards, a heightened sense of false versions of ourselves by thinking we need to change, or somehow thinking we need to get “into” something, do it for a month or so and crash and burn quickly. Talk about ruined sense of self and worth.
I’m not against bettering ourselves and evolving, but I’m against the notion that there is something wrong with us. We’re all meant to be how we are. We just can’t always see what or why. And sometimes, we aren’t doing what’s best for ourselves.
My lack of reflection is the other sticking point on the New Year’s season. But this is something I think is good and valuable. I’m just….not that great at slowing down to do it. I’ve historically chalked up my distaste for reflection to being a useless “brag” for others to talk about how great they are and what all they’ve achieved, but that’s just me blowing smoke up my own @$$ to get out of it.
I need to reflect. Learning about where you’ve been can help you figure out where to go. Reflection is just so hard for me. I think I’m usually afraid of what I’ll see. I’m afraid of what I’ll learn. I’m afraid of slowing down (although Covid has taught me a lot about this). I’m, perhaps, afraid of who I am.
With 2020 being the…unique…year it has been, I think it’s about time I slow down. It’s time to reflect about this past year and stop + think about the new one ahead. No matter the good, bad or ugly.
2020: The Year that Was
From crying to missing my daily train commute to being so happy to go for a walk to Starbucks, 2020 had a lot in store. Here’s what this past year had for me.
- Went to KC for team summit to kick off the new year
- Celebrated a Super Bowl win for my hometown (go Chiefs!)
- Moved offices and started commuting to West Loop
- Planned and canceled two international trips
- Worked from home full time at my dining room table since mid-March
- Played more board games than ever before
- Read two books
- Big Magic
- Husband Material
- Started a third, didn’t finish
- Joined a local book club (which stopped once Covid hit)
- Wrote nine blog posts (including this one)
- Redesigned my blog and migrated to a new domain
- Rewatched the Star Wars saga (ep. 1-9) + watched The Mandalorian
- Finished my first 1,000-piece puzzle
- Started and stopped going to therapy (again)
- Planned a virtual baby shower
- Went to a five person wedding
- Worked my ass off (while being miserable working from home)
- Lead remote + virtual teams
- Continued producing great work for clients
- Planned multiple virtual events
- Got burnt out more than ever before
- Stopped working out for four months
- Eventually started a new workout routine
- So far, I’ve kept with it for 3 months
- Spent all celebrations and holidays as just Mitch and I
- Realized we haven’t seen family since last December
- Supported five nonprofits for Black and Indigenous peoples
- Started learning to make cocktails at home
- Started and stopped learning brush calligraphy
- Went to Holland, Michigan
- Did a 16-day road trip
- Spoke at a local event
- Saw some of my fave drag queens at the Drive-In drag event
- Spent a lot of time outdoors
- Kayaked in the Chicago river
- Hiked 50 miles across 12 trails
- Enjoyed picnics
- Went to seven national parks
- Bought a bike, learned to ride in the city and regained transportation freedom by riding all around
- Still got some art/museum time in
- Had fun at the Flyboy Universe exhibit in Pilsen in February
- Went to the Monet Exhibit at the Art Institute in September
- Started and stopped a yoga practice
- Protested and leveled up my anti-racism ally-ship education
- Furnished our roof deck and utilized it (without people over!)
- Workouts
- Dinner
- Movie night
- Darts
- Still got to explore the city and experienced new or different…
- Parks
- Coffee shops
- Small shops
- Restaurants via takeout
- Sights in the burbs
- Simplified and maintained our home
- Picked up doing sudoku puzzles again
- Started drinking more water
- Slowed down and relaxed more than ever post-college
- Fell off my self care routine (very badly)
- Picked it back up in Q4 and have maintained it since
- Bought a bunch of new plant friends, killed one of them
- Watched a lot of Drag Race, baking competitions and Schitt’s Creek
- Came out as pansexual at work (and to myself, really)
- Voted Trump out of office and celebrated
- Lost control over my confidence more-so than I ever have before
- Cried more over my body than ever before
- Suffered a family loss on Mitch’s side
- Dealt with my grandma being in and out of the hospital for two falls and catching Covid while I couldn’t help her
2021: The Year that Can
For the new year, I’m not setting resolutions (never have). I’ve set “intentions” in the past or used a theme or word that I want to embody for the year. But for 2021, I think I want to take a lesson from work and think about the things I want to start doing, stop doing or continue doing.
- START
- Going to the lakefront more
- Reading more books
- Learning more about my mental health
- Blogging more consistently
- Practicing yoga again
- Baking more often
- Calling my family more regularly
- Finishing my dream rooftop deck
- Going back to therapy
- STOP
- Overanalyzing my body
- Rushing my mornings before work
- Getting upset over small things
- Comparing myself or my body to others
- CONTINUE
- Sudoku puzzles
- Board games
- Bike riding
- Workout routine
- Learning mixology
- Self care routine
- Hiking
- Finding new ways to explore this city
- Relaxing and not shaming myself for doing so
- Loving my amazing super duper husband (a required addition to the list by Mitch)
I’m also really looking forward to my niece being born (due in February!) and the outlook on getting a Covid vaccine.
The world feels like we’ve hit rock bottom. And I hope we have so that we can only go up from here. So long 2020, you were a tough lesson for us all and I thank you for that. Can’t wait to see what’s in store for 2021.